Hurts like never before.

Just when i thought things were getting better for me. Parents stopped fighting, i stopped hurting myself, you started to like me. I completely mess things up. I make my parents mad at me for something i didnt even do, then i get called a cow and a bitch and a shit person by my very own mother! Then i like try and kill myself, dont ask, and i really top it all off by messing things up with well this girl lets just say. I guess ill just give this whole love thing a rest. I'll give you a rest. And i guess ill be giving myself a rest too.

You really dont know how much you hurrt me sometimes, without even meaning to. but either way i still love you, no matter what. And wether its love love or like a family i just dont know i havnt quite figured it out, i havent quite figured myself out.

I guess im writing this down because i know noone will read it.:

Before i die i want to:
Have a good friendship with you
I want to have at least kissed you, and you me, even if it was just once on the cheek
I want to be happy
And i want you to be happy
I guess there is more but my eyes are filled with tears and i cant see what im writing anymore.

You learn something new everyday...

Well apparently you learn something new everyday so just to prove it right or wrong im gonna right mine on here. Here goes....

Today i learned...number 1

There are some very beautiful people out there, but not just looks, personality. I learned this today when i recieved that message from harlee.
I havnt even met the girl yet im telling her my secrets trusting her, she gave me her number, i know quite a lot about her to say ive talked to her on facbook like twice.
Anyway i can tell she is beautiful because she is so understanding easy to talk to and best of all lesbian ;) I do love a good lesbian, and she looks rather naice aswell;)

ps: i do learn more than just one thing but im not gonna tell you about algebra or spanish haha

Auntie martine :')

Well marty what can i say. You made the first 10 years of my life. You were the beautiful one, but not in looks, your personality, your soul. When the angels came to pick you up i new you would stay with me even though you were far away, but you have come back. I can feel our presense. I never really believed in the whole coming back from the dead but you did it. You achieved what i thought impossible.

The wierd thing is marty you new didnt you. You new i was gonna be gay. Just like you. Thats why you left me the bracelet, and the letter and the love in my heart.

I hate to brake it to you, but noone misses you. They all think you were dirty, even ali! Shocked? I am. You made me so happy and i really really miss you. Now i write this blog and i cry, because i miss you, noone else does. I didnt even get to go to your funeral! But i was there. In my heart. And in yours. We both know that.

Lately I have been thinking about this other girl alot. She is rather beautiful, im sure you would agree. She doesnt know really how much i love her, Im sure i love her she says i will know when i am in love and im not now, but if this isnt love i dont know what is. Sometimes i think i love her more than family more than anyone.

Anyway i just thought i would write this so you know i do love you and i think about you!

LOVE YOU!

Ps: She really is beautiful and gorguess and beasty!

P.p.s i have a friend at school that says beasty! It reminded me soo much of you <3