Two mommies

Recently i was thinking to myself how it would be so lovely to have to mums; it would be absoloutely great to have people who really cared about me that would apprieciate who i am. I guess there is only one person who does truly apprieciate who i really am. I'm not even sure she does properly, but out of the many people i know this one girl just seems to get me more than the others. Maybe it's because we are both gay, maybe it's because we both want the same things out of life. Maybe it's because i understand you. What ever it is i really apprieciate the time you spend texting me, helping me. For letting me love you. even though it's not easy for either of us. Ofcourse i would absoloutely love it if you liked me the same way but... i guess thats just life right? Anyhow i dont think now, after all what i have felt for you, i could stop liking you all together. No matter what you did.

Bugger, im getting off track. See what you do to me!!! Anyway so two mommies: would be amazing and i have a great idea in my head of what and who they would be. Maybe Like bette and tina, but i think i'd like or more butch mommy maybe. :/ I just dont know. Anyway that's my little rant for the night :D

My secrets.

Kinda inspired from the recent videos i watched but since i forgot my password i thought id do it on this.

1) I don't like talking. :/

2) Words cant describe how i feel about little ren <3

3) I have a disturbed sleeping rutine :(

4) I have a crush on my teacher :$

5) I'm a real gay :')

6) I'm very shy... in front of some

7) I love to learn 8)


Well thats it for now. But trust me there are others!
:)

ps. dont tell anyone :)!

Hurts like never before.

Just when i thought things were getting better for me. Parents stopped fighting, i stopped hurting myself, you started to like me. I completely mess things up. I make my parents mad at me for something i didnt even do, then i get called a cow and a bitch and a shit person by my very own mother! Then i like try and kill myself, dont ask, and i really top it all off by messing things up with well this girl lets just say. I guess ill just give this whole love thing a rest. I'll give you a rest. And i guess ill be giving myself a rest too.

You really dont know how much you hurrt me sometimes, without even meaning to. but either way i still love you, no matter what. And wether its love love or like a family i just dont know i havnt quite figured it out, i havent quite figured myself out.

I guess im writing this down because i know noone will read it.:

Before i die i want to:
Have a good friendship with you
I want to have at least kissed you, and you me, even if it was just once on the cheek
I want to be happy
And i want you to be happy
I guess there is more but my eyes are filled with tears and i cant see what im writing anymore.

You learn something new everyday...

Well apparently you learn something new everyday so just to prove it right or wrong im gonna right mine on here. Here goes....

Today i learned...number 1

There are some very beautiful people out there, but not just looks, personality. I learned this today when i recieved that message from harlee.
I havnt even met the girl yet im telling her my secrets trusting her, she gave me her number, i know quite a lot about her to say ive talked to her on facbook like twice.
Anyway i can tell she is beautiful because she is so understanding easy to talk to and best of all lesbian ;) I do love a good lesbian, and she looks rather naice aswell;)

ps: i do learn more than just one thing but im not gonna tell you about algebra or spanish haha

Auntie martine :')

Well marty what can i say. You made the first 10 years of my life. You were the beautiful one, but not in looks, your personality, your soul. When the angels came to pick you up i new you would stay with me even though you were far away, but you have come back. I can feel our presense. I never really believed in the whole coming back from the dead but you did it. You achieved what i thought impossible.

The wierd thing is marty you new didnt you. You new i was gonna be gay. Just like you. Thats why you left me the bracelet, and the letter and the love in my heart.

I hate to brake it to you, but noone misses you. They all think you were dirty, even ali! Shocked? I am. You made me so happy and i really really miss you. Now i write this blog and i cry, because i miss you, noone else does. I didnt even get to go to your funeral! But i was there. In my heart. And in yours. We both know that.

Lately I have been thinking about this other girl alot. She is rather beautiful, im sure you would agree. She doesnt know really how much i love her, Im sure i love her she says i will know when i am in love and im not now, but if this isnt love i dont know what is. Sometimes i think i love her more than family more than anyone.

Anyway i just thought i would write this so you know i do love you and i think about you!

LOVE YOU!

Ps: She really is beautiful and gorguess and beasty!

P.p.s i have a friend at school that says beasty! It reminded me soo much of you <3

stewie comes out?

Well im not a great fan of family guy but since when was stewie gay?! Theres nothing wrong with it, infact its great but i really didnt know thats stewie was out. So if anyone has anything to tell me about this, go ahead.

i heart stewie<3

i was gonna add a picture but it ont upload so u guys can search it if your bothered :D

One day this whole blog thing will be about you..

So my life isnt great at the moment. Im very ill. Too ill for people to know how bad it is.My rabbit died today and i fell sick again. Still that doesnt change how much i love you. Sometimes i think i love you more than my family, because now im older they seem to care less and less about me. Thing is the only reason i want to live is that tiny little worthless bit of hope that one day you will love me too. The thing that makes it worse is that i know you wont. EVER. So i dont even get why i bother. I wish i was born just a few years earlier so i would have had more time to get to know you. I clearly dont know alot about you and vise versa and i find that really well sad because you seem like such a great girl.I know you are and i just cant help what i feel. Every single second i think about you. Surely it cant be good for me but hey you make me that little bit happier every time i think about you, so i guess there is a point to me living after all. That point is so you always will have someone that loves you. Someone that will listen(even though you would never talk to me about anything) and someone that would be there for you whenever/if ever you needed it. To you i may just be the shadow in the corner of the room but you to me are the bright light right in the centre showing me the way and admiring you the whole time.

So i was wrong...

There was me thinking i could write that last blog without you having to read it or ever know. Well i was wrong wasnt i. I guess you just cant hide some things from the ones you love. I know you will never love me the way i love you, if ever, but as you know and you have said to me before you cant help who you love and i really cant. So now you know what i feel like and hopefully understand what the constant texting is about. Because i want to talk to you as much as possible. And yer i guess it is a bit sad but thats what your pure beauty does to me.
I really dont feel this is the best picture to use but its the best one i can find. The only thong that makes me feel bad about writing this blog is that i know your heart lies with someone else. I just cant help the way i feel so thats kinda why i wrote this blog.

ps: this may make you feel akward but when i see emily and naomi kiss i sometimes wish... wish it was me and you. xx

lauren wood

basicly i always tell you stuff but this is the one thing i cant tell you. So i decided to write it down. THis is still really hard even though i know you wont read this. Basicly

I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My favourite phrases :D

1. She is a firey red head with lips like a suction pump. Desperate Romantics
2.My fingers are all of a tremble. Desperate Romantics.
O how we laughed. Marieke.
Birds dont have feet! Marieke.
I get rashes when i vote!
IM not a shoe!
It sounds...like... a gargling tortoise..... o wait it is!
Hat moshers.
Thats a nice cloud.
I find the world a confusing and random place.
And we smiled him out of the room.
He feared his makeup would melt and collect in a pile on the floor.
He stuck out like a disco ball.My boy My boy the one in the yellow polka dot dress:D
Queen munch and Queen nibbles.
I missed the turning.
JOin the caravan of love. The house of martins.
.If ellie was god she would chop off every boys dick and kill the chicken man. ellie
.The bats mans holding the bowlers willie. Dad.
.Hey Bert... no its ferrit boy. mitchell and ryan
. I am a sweet transvestite from transexual transilvania.
I will parade them around town with there pants down.


BTW these arent in order but i cba to put em in the right order xx

ok so i have done blogs before but get bored of them very easily. i can never seem to say what i want to, so i hope that this time i get it right. And if i dont, im sure next week i will have another go at it. Bit about myself. Pretty pathetic at life. Depened to much on my mother and people who i consider close to me. One person in particular has been a big influence on me and i would like to thank her for not only listening , when she probably has alot better things to be doing then listen to me ramble on about my problems in life, also for understanding me, nobody else seems to get where i am coming from or where i am trying to get to, but she does, and also for being there at god knows what time at night, or morning, when i need her. i could say loads more thing, i really cant thank you enough for how much you have helped me and loads of other stuff. i actually cant put into words how much i owe you. maybe even my life but please dont hold me to that just incase.

i think that blog is ok.